In Which Felix Has a Night Out and is Abducted

One night Betsy and I were bored, so we decided to take Felix out of his tub to get some fresh air. We embarked on a walk around campus with him draped from Betsy's neck. By now Felix was about a foot and a half long, and his sinewy form dangling in the shadows caused many a passerby to do a double take. Once we entered the brightly lit cafe, the double takes were rampant. 

"Is that a REAL SNAKE?!" One participant screeched. 

"It's not," another staff member assured them. "She made it out of eggs, flour, lemon, and butter."

"Did you really?" Another participant asked.

"Yup," I said. "I just rolled him up, added some food coloring, and baked him in the oven." 

"But he looks so rubbery...." Was the last thing Betsy and I heard as we headed to the computers to make Felix a facebook page. 

Next, we toured the bookstore with Felix on our arm. I ran into my friend Ji Hyang, the Buddhist nun. 

"Have you met Felix?" I asked her. "Now you can add him as a friend on facebook!"

She gave me the most hardened look that I imagine a Buddhist nun can give. 

"No, Liz," she said. "No. I love you, and I have the utmost respect for your creative endeavors. But befriending your toy snake on facebook is where I draw the line."

Disgruntled, Betsy and I took Felix to the back to try some samples. We slathered him with the essential oils of Bergamont (to give him a lift) and Ylang Ylang (sensualizing musk). We figured that if there were any lady snakes in the area, Felix would soon know. 

Felix then toured the library, and the Stinkhouse, aka the staff lounge. He went for a stroll down by the lake and through the garden. At last we returned to the dining hall, but decided that the night was still ripe for adventure. So we abducted Felix. 

We stuck him in the staff refrigerator behind the peanut butter, with only the tip of his tail visible over the canned tomatoes. We made signs to advertise his disappearance; 

"Missing: Adult Male Vietnamese Water Cobra. Answers to the name of Felix."

"BEWARE OF FELIX"

"Snake on the Loose! Last Seen Wearing Sensual Musk and Cruising toward the lake in search of Lady Snakes"

Etcetera, etcetera. I gussied up the signs with some abstract interpretations of Felix (one looked like a rabbit with fangs, the other, a squirrel), as well as symbols such as the ouroboros, since Felix is, after all, eternal. 

We made sure that the signs adequately conveyed the extent to how dangerous Felix was, and then littered the dining hall with them. Within ten minutes I was being approached with various reactions from staff members. 

"You know, you guys should really take into consideration that some people are deathly afraid of snakes," one said. 

"I'M deathly afraid of snakes," I said. "Consider this my healing process."

"I think I found Felix," another staff member whispered. "He's behind the peanut butter."

"Just pretend you didn't notice," I whispered back. 

I had been hoping there would be some fainters, or at least a blood-curdling scream in the middle of the night, but there was nothing of the sort and the next day the signs had been taken down and Felix was deposited rather haphazardly back in his tank. 

"Hmph," I thought, and began to plan his next big scandal, not knowing it was already well underway.