Plate of Gluten

I was briefly part of a vegan folk/pop/acoustic/death-metal rock band called "Plate of Gluten." It consisted of me, the Paul McCartney hit-maker of the group, Amanda (aka Betsy), the apathetic Ringo Starr, Monique, the post-India, only wanting to chant George Harrison, and Bob the maintenance man. Bob was John Lennon during the Yoko phase, which meant he was largely absent and hard to deal with. 

Our main hit was a rock song which I penned. 

Called "Seitan in my Belly." 

The lyrics are as follows: 

It's time for mid-day dining

I'm walking down the line and

What's looking mighty fine is

The Seitan, The Seitan

They've made it marinated

I put it on my plate and

I won't be constipated

After Seitan, S-Seitan

Seitan in my Belly

S-Seitan in my Belly

S-S-Seitan in my Belly!

I eat it up with relish

With dressing I embellish

I see you looking jealous

Of my Seitan

It's traveling my belly

I feel it turn to jelly

It might get kind of smelly

After Seitan

Seitan in my Belly!

We were going to compile an album that followed the progression of a typical vegan meal; it would begin with a salad song, continue with appetizers, segway into the main course, end with a chant about pudding (Puuuuuuuddddddiiiinnnnnnnnnng), and perhaps include a bonus track (Seitan in the Toilet?). 

I was willing to lend the lyrics to some other ditties I had written as a camp counselor, such as "The Salad Song:"

Hungry

I like to eat

Hungry

But I don't eat meat... 

So I eat salad, salad

Lots and lots of salad

Chickpeas!

Tomatoes, tomatoes!

Cucumbers, lettuce

Chickpeas!

Peppers, beets

Cottage cheese

Beans, sprouts, 

Sunflower seeds!

Chickpeas!

Olives? Great!

Pile them on my plate!

Just feed me.... feed me.... 

Feed me..... 

Immediately!

To get the full effect, you really have to hear it rapped. Anyway, there was also the "Tofu Song:"

T is for Terribly Delicious

O Goodness Gracious, That's Good!

F is for Fantastic

U have got to try it, it's Tofu!

And it was all going to be featured on our first hit album, Hi Fi (ber). Unfortunately, our group members were all going in separate directions spiritually and emotionally even as the band was forming, and thus the idea was ill-fated from the start. We did, however, acquire a number of enthusiastic roadies, groupies, and potential managers, who will hopefully come in handy when Betsy and Wetsy, the artists formerly known as Plate of Gluten, hit the road.