It's getting to the point now where none of the things that I feel are epic and unfolding in my life feel appropriate to post on facebook. One, because they might make people uncomfortable. And two, because they are somewhat sacred to me. I say somewhat because I am posting it, still, in the blog. But that's because I want to keep track of this time as it is unfolding. And blogging challenges me to summarize it better.
This is how my life works. Earlier today I posted that segment about dedicating myself and this new phase of my journey to finding the dark goddess. And what should I discover, oh, 5 hours later? That there is a TEMPLE IN SAN FRANCISCO DEDICATED TO KALI MA. Who is Kali Ma? Keep up! She's the Dark Mother, Hindu goddess of death and change and destruction. Destroying old patterns to give way to rising Shakti, to the new. Kali has been present in so much of my life. Burning, tearing up, throwing up, scratching myself, changing location, running away. I saw all of these as bad things. They were done, after all, out of anger. I have worked so hard on being light and good and pleasing, but those dark, angry, spirited urges are still strong, raging, under the surface, and now I see them as something beautiful, something to be honored, for they are striving for release, freshness, rejuvenation, authenticity, healthy rage that catalyzes change. Maybe terrifies others into healthy change when complacency no longer works. This is absolutely a huge part of me. The wild woman, the demon, the rage, the irreverence. And to be able to channel it in a way that is constructive, that is beautiful, that is impactful, that is inspiring- and at the same time, scary enough to shake up the stale belief systems that have done such destruction to our world and our psyches- that is undeniably my role.
My other favorite dark female energy is Lilith, the supposed original wife of Adam, who refused to subordinate to him and flew away to gather an army of demons. She had red hair. She was VERY sassy. I love Lilith. And just at the moment I was thinking of her, as the only other energy I feel that is as important to me as Kali, there were their names, next to each other, in a sacred chant of this goddess temple. I almost burst into tears, I was so excited.
It's true. It's not all sparkles and ponies in the Liz O Show. I love vengeful female goddesses just as much as sparkles and ponies, if not MUCH more. And if you can't understand that, you have probably not had a life that provoked an adoration of vengeful female spirit. You are probably not a curvy woman with a symmetrical face in an obnoxiously misogynistic world. Misogyny, perhaps, does not affect you or bother you all that much. Or maybe you don't even know that it bothers you. Maybe it is so engrained in everything that you find it easier just to swallow it down.
But I don't. I am in full support of the dark goddess rising, emerging, shaking shit up. I believe I came here on earth to be part of her doing just that. On the website for the temple, they write that Kali is returning, the dark female energy is rising, she is emerging in the unconscious, in dreams, and of course I believe that since I am a fine example of one who heard the call and is heeding it. And now I am led to this temple, and I don't think I've been so excited about a place since I found out about the Adelaide Hostel, and I can't wait to call them tomorrow and go to KALI PUJA on April 28th!!
Kali Ma, Kali Ma, Kali Ma.
xoxoxxoxo
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