Entangled

So, I've been noticing a lot of interesting emotions "coming up," as we say here at Omega, over being a finalist. Once I saw the Balsams and how neat of a place it was, and imagined being there and all that I could do with such an opportunity, it became almost painful to think that I might not get that opportunity. So, I have been experiencing a lot of irreverence, and inner rebelliousness against I know not what. It's strange to think that people are actually reading my blogs and evaluating me and my creativity, and voting accordingly. It's so touching to have so many people saying such nice things and being so supportive, and I immediately feel a sense of fear and guilt that I will let them down or disappoint them.

Even now I'm thinking; should I be writing this? Who will read it and what judgment will they make? But I'm both blessed and cursed by being deeply in touch with my emotions; it's the same root that leads to the creativity, the stories, the songs, self-expression. So it is virtually impossible for me NOT to try to make sense of what is going on inside me, and not to be myself. That self can be irreverent and silly, but it is also deeply curious and compassionate, and seeks to find the core of people and places, the heart and soul of each experience. It has a deep appreciation for life and all of the variety that comes with it. I know that I could find unique ways to express every facet of life at the Balsams, and really make the two months a fun and colorful and entertaining and engaging experience for everyone. I get frustrated and see self-sabotaging tendencies arise when I feel like I have to prove that.... and instead, promotional videos that started with the best of intentions turn into the clip shown above.

Typical. And so it is. Settling upon silliness because I'm afraid of looking even more foolish in taking things seriously. Whatever the outcome, this has been such an amazing few days, and the beginning of what I'm sure will be an enormous learning curve in the journey toward being a professional story-teller, entertainer, wanderess. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me in this endeavor; I hope I can repay you through fun and laughter!

LOVE, Elizabeth aka Wetsy aka Liz O