On Narcissism

So today I read an article in my father's University of Chicago alumni magazine about narcissism. In the spirit of which, I'm going to post some pictures of myself. Ha!

 

I just took these because today I bought a new hat (and a lot of other things, at the Madhouse of Over-stimulation that is the Mall of New Hampshire) and I'm feeling pretty awesome about myself. I wasn't feeling awesome about myself this morning, which is why I went to Gold's Gym and sweated it out on level 19 on the elliptical for an hour. And then I went and bought lots of STUFF. And then, driving back to Wellesley in my pretty gal of a car, Adelaide, with Britney Spears and other puff-ball hits blasting on the radio, I have to say, I was really enjoying life. 

So as I sang along to Britney, I had a bit of an existential debate in my head about materialism and narcissism and to what extent they are healthy. I find that I vacillate between thinking I'm awesome and gorgeous and capable of taking on whatever I put my mind to, and hating myself and just wanting to lie on the floor binge-eating while comparing myself to everyone who is seemingly more successful. So I like to take advantage of the UP moments when they come!

And kind of along those lines, I have a love/hate relationship with the media, Hollywood, L.A., the superficial, glamour, beauty, MTV, all of that. Sometimes I rail against it, but more often, I have to admit, I want to be part of it. As unhealthy and warped and air-brushed as it all is, there's something in my nature that keeps me perpetually fascinated, and wanting to believe in the ideal and the glamourous no matter how much my mental health is sacrificed. Maybe I just need to go through it- to the max- and come out on the other side and see where that leaves me. And I plan to do that starting with applying to USC GRADUATE FILM SCHOOL! Hooray......