Wanderings

Tonight I finished up work at the Magic Parlor, where a man in the audience had had qualities distinctly  similar to the qualities I envision for my future husband, "Mike," and thus I left in a happy state of daydreaming about Mike and I and our future idyllic existence in the hills of Monterey.

Mike is a character I have been building, much like Boppity Bear, in my head for as long as I can remember. And I manifested Boppity Bear into reality, so there should be no reason why I can't manifest Mike, when the time is right.

Mike has an energy and look very similar to Paul Rudd. He is fiery, spirited, and we banter. A lot. He is very well dressed, of course. He wears nice shoes and collared shirts and leather jackets. He is outdoorsy and rugged. We go hiking a lot, me and Mike. He can cook better than I can. He's spontaneous. But he also is driven and passionate about his career, which he is probably working on right now, just like I am working on mine, and I think it is something in the general realm of architecture, or maybe geology, or archaeology. Perhaps Mike's passion is some synthesis of the three.

Of course, it is not a deal breaker if Mike is not an architect or archaeologist. He also does not even have to be named Mike. But I will know him when I meet him, I am sure of it. Because I will recognize the Mike energy.

Ideally, Mike's family will own a sailboat, or together we will buy one, because I envision Mike and I sailing all over the place, when we are not hiking, traveling, taking convertible rides down Route 1, or at our idyllic house in the hills and forest.

These were all the wonderful things I was thinking about as I trekked up Nob Hill on the way back home.

I was going to turn to take a flat street home, but some little urge inside of me directed me instead up the steep incline toward the cathedral. As I approached those old stone pillars standing tall, three quarters of a moon shining directly overhead, I was so grateful for that urge.

And as I walked the stairs up to the labyrinth, pausing a moment before continuing on through the flower gardens, the fountains, looking up at the moon again and taking in the silence, the stones, the incredible stillness of the courtyard amidst this bustling city-- the gratitude came in yet another wave, bringing sudden tears to my eyes.

Listening to the water bubbling, looking up at the beautiful moon, I couldn't believe I could have this moment, for free, just like that, on my walk home. I couldn't believe the luxury I take for granted, of getting to visit one of my favorite places on earth anytime I choose. At the very peak of San Francisco, surrounded by parks and old Masonic buildings, with a birdseye view of the city, I have made mini-pilgrimages to the cathedral hundreds of times since arriving here two years ago. It feels as sacred to me as any far away castle or church or garden of Europe.

And in that very moment, alone, feeling that familiar connection with the stars, the moon, the elements, my spirituality... staring up at the night sky, saying hello once again to the great mystery... I pondered how at that moment, at 10:30 on a Saturday night, I was the only person in all of San Francisco to be at the cathedral.

The city is home to almost a million people. Thousands of which were at that moment crowding themselves into bars and nightclubs on all sides of the hill down below.

To me, what I was experiencing at that moment in that courtyard was infinitely more magical and worthwhile and satisfying than anything that could ever be found in an interaction in a loud, dirty, bar, and a far better buzz than ever achieved by alcohol. But, I thought, if there were crowds of people flocking to the cathedral, to walk the labyrinth under the stars, I wouldn't be getting to have this precious moment all alone.

And before I left the courtyard I had another thought; I remembered all my earlier daydreams about good old Michael and our idyllic future home in Monterey. I accepted that my daydreams might very well be silly, but at their core was a very serious yearning for the very feelings I was experiencing at the cathedral. Because in creating a life for myself, in creating a home, and a base, the most important thing is that feeling of space, and sanctuary, and grounding, and spiritual connection. I want a place to live that creates that vibration for me. And I want the same in a partner.

And so, it was with clarity, and a craving for potato chips, that I headed out of the courtyard and back down the hill. I swept through my regular market to get chips and hummus and avocado, and not a block after leaving the store I ran into a group of men, one of whom I have seen around a few times now, and who, although he does not perhaps have the exact "Mike" energy, still has a very good energy that I quite like from what I've seen.

So I will leave tonight's adventures at that, to be continued, with gratitude to this fine city in which a dull moment has never been had, at least not by I, and with particular gratitude to that fine cathedral, and all the spirits who may or may not have been there with me during my courtyard communion.

xoxo