Overheard in My Head

So, I have informally diagnosed my inner voice with Tourette's Syndrome. It gets particularly belligerent, ornery, and verbally spasmodic when pre-menstrual, hyped up on caffeine, tired, or low blood sugar, and runs positively rampant when in a combination of two or more of the above. And let's face it; I am usually some combination of the above.

Except that last week, in coinciding with the break down of my computer, I decided to take some responsibility for my manic mood swings and try to cut out the sugar and caffeine, replacing them as much as I could with whole grains and chamomile tea. That lasted all of two and a half days, and on Saturday night I was returning from a long shift of work, and feeling the premenstruality set in, and so my shopping basket of Trader Joe's consisted of a bag of chocolate chips, a two dollar bottle of red wine, three clif kids granola bars (flavors: chocolate chip and chocolate brownie), and a personal frozen pizza.

By the next morning I was all hyped up and manic again, and flipping through The Joy of Cooking to see what I could create with my new chocolate chips now that I had already vanquished my Clif kids bars. I flipped through entrees, meats, vegetables, soups and stews, desserts, and confections as my inner voice became increasingly impatient. Finally, I flipped a page and my inner voice uttered a long, low, proclamation of triumph, hanging on and relishing every word.

"COOKIES. AND. BARS."

 Later, when I emerged from the Berkeley library at closing time, I was crashing from my bout of mania, chocolate, and caffeine. I had walked all over town and hadn't really eaten anything except chocolate chips all day, and now I was on the lookout for anything large and meaty. But I was in such an ornery mood that I kept rejecting every establishment I went into, because of high prices or hipsters or overly smiley waitstaff. (Seriously. Ornery.)

Then, I saw a bright yellow beacon of hope beckoning to me from across the street.

"SANDWICH ZONE?!?!?!?!!!!!" I said, aloud, and practically walked into oncoming traffic toward it. But the next thing I saw was "Closed" and I harrumphed (aloud, again) and did an about face and stalked off. It was about that time I decided I needed to eat something, anything, just to get a basic old on myself. And a moment later I found 5 dollar gyro sandwiches and it was prepared in minutes and was delicious, and I was still hungry and slightly ornery even after consuming it wild dog style next to someone's mailbox, but I made it the rest of the way home without any more major inner voice Tourette's episodes.

In fact, I cooked a delicious dinner and found a four leaf clover and made friends with my roommates, but that's a story for the next post! <3