Last night I did a solstice sweat lodge... sixty Omegans crammed into the pitch black darkness, praying and crying and singing for four long rounds- the second round was the most intense, since we weren't allowed to go out for air in between it and the first. I lay down on the cool earth and then sat back up, and the motion caused my heartbeat to accelerate, just as the next round started. The rocks that came in were not only huge and scorching, but covered in sulfur, and the mixture of intense heat and smoke sent a lot of people into a panic. Both men and women were leaving, so much so that the man who was running it started to get almost angry. "This is the last time I'm opening up the door," he said. "If you're going, go now."
My heart was beating so fast that I didn't want to move again, plus a deeper part of me wanted to stick out the round no matter how intense it got. So I stayed and sat and prayed and prayed for my heart to slow, for it to be healed, to survive the round. It never seems to be the heat itself that is unbearable for me, but the psychological and physical effects that I imagine mean certain impending death. Thankfully it was a short round, and we practically stampeded out once the door was open, keeping our heads down and trying not to breathe in the sulfur.
I was so grateful to come out into the air, into normal life, to walk and breathe and feel my heartbeat come back down to normal. I told myself that I did not need to go in again, I made it through the lodge two years ago and so I didn't have anything to prove to myself. In fact, it is much more of a challenge for me to allow balance into my life than to keep chasing the extremes. But once they called for the women to re-enter and I watched my sweat-lodge neighbors file back into the line, I couldn't not participate. And the last two rounds were more merciful- a slow, deep sweat rolling off me and into the earth. I came out feeling good, peppy, even. I usually can't handle socializing afterwards and want to hide somewhere in the dark, but this time I was happy to partake in the feast they had laid out for us in the staff dining hall.
There was quite an interesting combination of treats awaiting, considering we had just done a detoxifying, ceremonial sweat- salad, soup, cheesy pizza, and.... chocolate banana smoothies! I was skeptical and wise-cracking, of course, but in retrospect it was one of those soul-satisfying meals that I will forever remember fondly. The conversation and good company only enhanced it, and it was with a touch of rue that I left to have a solitary swing in a hammock by the lake before retiring to bed. A pleasant breeze was blowing through my tent and carried with it good tidings for the dreamtime. Content with the present, grateful for the past, and energized for the future, I centered myself on the Big Agnes and drifted off to sleep.
